I'm writing this from a secret bunker in Dr. Dave's underground lab. I don't think that Dr. Dave himself even knows about this place... And you know what? **** 'im! It's his fault... It's all his fault.
It all started last Tuesday when I had to go to the good doctor's for a limb reattachment. As I sat in his waiting room, patiently reading a book while my physician/quack finished up sewing Jimmy Jammer's head on a chimp's ass, I must have gotten drowsy (that or there was another ether leak), for the next thing I knew Dr. Dave was standing over me with my book in his bloody hands.
"What's this?" he asked like a child seeing a live goat for the first time. "World War Z? Was there another one?... It's been so long since I've seen the sun." Then I (mistakenly) explained to him that this was a fictional documentary about the global zombie war/epidemic that the survivors referred to as the African Rabies War, or Zombie War I, or, just like the title, World War Z. It's all about how the zombie pandemic originally began and quickly overran the civilized world, and how both the victims and those who never got bitten were both royally screwed. Unfortunately I didn't think much about it after that and just continued reading while Dr. Dave gave me one of the previously mentioned chimp's arms in place of my snake and badger-shredded original (which I brought along in a giant freezer bag just in case — which I think he kept in order to try and turn it into an elephants dong, which I felt honored about so I didn't argue).
Anyway, things went alright for me and my new simian arm until this past Sunday when I woke up to the sounds of meaty thuds against my front door, and the voice of Jimmy Jammer yelling for help amid a lot of guttural moans. I asked "Who iiiiiiis it?" and only got the reply of "Brrrraaaaaains....." Oh, that and Jimmy Jammer screaming that "they" were "eating [his] brains." Goddammit... Zombies.
